Astuka Looks Back - EMPTY WORLD

I'm not exactly sure when this will be released (if ever), as I am writing this before the blog has actually been created. Regardless of that, in this sub-series (as I like to call it) I will be talking about a multitude of stories I created when I was young and, for the most part, really really stupid. Join me in dissecting their content and proving that I really am probably just a poser.

The TPNF Years – 2009-2010

A long, long, time ago in a galaxy far, far, away when people actually played Poptropica, a friend and I made a website named TPNF (that's the abbreviation for “The Poptropica News Flash”) on Wordpress (You can still go there!). I found the blog as a good place to put some of my first stories on there, as much requested by the other friend who I shared most of them with. Though these are not among the VERY first (and, unfortunately, not as funny) they still have quite a bit of error.

STORY ONE: Empty World

Honestly I'm not sure if this or the first draft of GoE came first so this could be either the second or first one posted on the site, yet it was still the first story that I made that was not based upon a roleplay or anything else. That's right, Empty World is all OC, though its quality is another question entirely.

Including the fact that it was the first OC, it was also one of the first (of many stories) never to be finished. There's a reason I went into short story making and not novels, and it's because I probably don't have the required attention span to make one. Out of all my attempts at long, drawn out stories, I only finished one (which we'll tackle later) and that was it. So this story is only the first two chapters + a prologue and then a synopsis of what happens chapters 3-14. Fascinating.

Prologue

Oh, a prologue! I LOVE prologues. Practically every early story of mine had a prologue. I'm not sure why, maybe it's just because I HAD to explain what happened previously at the beginning of the book for some reason and couldn't just explain it as the story progressed.

You know that feeling you get in your stomach? The “butterflies”. What a name, what a name.

Excuse me? What the fuck is this? It's like I purposely meant it this line to be extremely cheesy and stupid and out of place. Oh wait, I did.

I still remember that day. 2089, at Moon Outpost Uria I. We all saw a ship. An abnormal ship. Almost surrealistic. It landed on the far side. I turn back to our once great earth. 32 years ago, I think. I was eighteen. They had created a new vaccine called Oia 245. Everyone was getting it. It was said to bring eternal life.

I want to point out the fact that this was 32 years ago and he was 18 means he would be 50 at the time of actually writing the story, however it is described and pretty much known as a fact to everyone around him that at the very most he's 26. I never make my characters that old, and I probably meant the “18” in my mind to be a “9” I was not a smart kid back then.

This could however be explained with the fact that the “vaccine” (What does it vaccinate? Death?) that brings eternal life worked for him, but that can be debunked two ways: 1. It is later said that he never took it, and that everyone who did pretty much went batshit crazy, and 2. I would've never thought of trying to explain that because I thought it seemed normal. Once again, I couldn't count.

But it went wrong. All wrong. Our great world went into chaos.All of us got evacuated to several different outposts. Uria I, Sulnan IV, Reiven XI, and Donian VIII. A group of officials came to the landing point of the aircraft. They never returned. We we’re all scared. Yet, we knew something had to be done.

Wait, what the fuck? What happened? What does a UFO have anything to do with the virus? He somehow sets both off as if he was just saying “Oh yeah there was a ship but then our world went into chaos for some other reason but that's not really important either.” This guy is possibly the worst story narrator ever, not only does he make shit confusing but he seems so uninterested about it. Plus the fact that he speaks in short sentences doesn't really help his case.

Chapter 1

As I still stand at my window, thinking about the officers, someone passes by me. The cold air stays in the same spot, but slowly disappears. “Who’s there?” I ask, but no answer. I look around, but I don’t see anything. Right before I get back to the window, I see something in the corner of my eye. Its… horns? I go back to the spot. Nothing there. I go to get my shotgun in my basement. I still remember that horrific day. They killed my father, and I killed them. I killed them with their own. I killed them. KILLED them.

Here our narrator writes. In a different format. Similar to if he was ADHD. Oh sorry, I was just copying the same format as the narrator. Seriously, not only is he emotionless but he cannot FUCKING FOCUS on a single topic. It's ridiculous.

As I go back in the basement where my shotgun was, I see footsteps on the ground. I ignore them and keep moving. I open the cupboard to where my gun was and…  IT’S GONE.

Man, I can't wait for the explanation to the cause of the narrator's ADD episode.

I hurry back to upstairs, where I hear thumping. I grab a vase, and slowly go toward the thumping. Then, I hit whatever it is in the head. It goes down to the ground, covered in blood. “**** it, David!!!” he said. I saw his face and noticed them it was the  head of officers in Uria, Major Calrone.

FUCKING EXCUSE ME

What was the horns? The cold spot? The thumping? When people walk, it doesn't sound like thumping, it sounds like footsteps. He tries so hard its almost as if I was trying to allure to the fact that it was a monster but then make it something else--

Oh wait, that's exactly what I did. Instead of being really sneaky and general with my words like you're supposed to, however, I just made it seem like it was going the complete opposite way to the point where it WAS going the complete opposite way until I changed it at the last minute.

” Sorry, sir.” I said. “I didn’t mean-” “**** you, if I could, I would kill you with your own ****ing rifle right now!!!” he interrupts.

Them censors.

Then I look at him. He looks at me. “Sorry, son.” he says, “Go upstairs with the shotgun while I board up the windows and doors.”

“But why? Whats happening?” I ask.

What? Are we actually going to get a non-half assed explanation to what's going on? Impossible!

“Its the president. He wants everyone near the far side of the moon, which means Uria and Sulnan, to defend themselves.” “What, a upcoming alien invasion?” I joke, but Calrone has a serious look on his face. “David” he says. “The police found them.”  “Are they alive?” I ask.  “No,” he says. “They’ve been cut in half.”

I've seen some really anti-climatic stuff. I've seen anti-climatic movie points, anti-climatic twists, but nothing, NOTHING could prepare me for how anti-climatic the end of this chapter is. Really? “They've been cut in half”? Could you really think of NOTHING better than that?

Chapter 2

Oh boy.

Me and Ryan keep walking to the station.”So, how long have you been in the force?” Ryan said, his leg still bleeding. “I was never in the force.” I reply. “Then how did you get that shotgun?” asked Ryan. I didn’t answer. I didn’t want too. It didn’t seem right.

Wait, excuse me if I'm wrong, but where we last left off weren't we with Calrone? Who's this guy? What station? Besides the leg this is pretty much the exact opposite- oh no, wait, he hit him in the head. In that case it IS the exact opposite ordeal that we were going through last chapter. Thankfully, our narrator is still being horribly bad at being mysterious and still ADD.

We arrive at the Gas Station. I try to open the door, put it doesn’t budge. “Doors locked.” I say. ” **** knobbed doors” Ryan says, and with a mighty kick of the foot that isn’t wounded, knocks down the door.

I'm almost positive this would make him fall.

We keep looking around, but see no one. “Hello?” we say together at once. We look everywhere, but finally I hear Ryan say ” David, I think you got to take a look at this.” We go over to the register counter, and find something disturbing.

“He’s dead” Ryan says, “Poor guy”.  On the ground, there was a dead body, which had a name tag that said “Jim”. “Poor Jim.” Ryan says. “Hey whats that..” I say. Ryan lifts up the body and we both gasp.On his stomach, the numbers  588 were carved into it. “Oh my god, They got him.”

Do I even need to explain why this is bad? This is pretty much the equivalent of basic 4^th grade writing, especially the “Hey whats that...” part. Seriously? Also, the second time a chapter has ended in a horrible climax.

Chapter 3-14

Oh thank god, finally the summary.

As you know, a group of colonists live at outposts on the Moon, some did on Mars, also. The Earth was destroyed NOT because of the drug,  what David thinks.

Man I'm glad that was cleared up, though I'm pretty sure there was no mention of Mars outposts and David (who I am assuming is the narrator) didn't think the Earth was destroyed.

Have you ever heard movie previews for The Road? Thats what the story is like.

So basically not only did I try to make this story completely with shock filler but I actually copied it off of someone else's shock filler. Classy.

Calrone gets killed by whatever those things are, and then it is only Ryan and David, living to go no where. Then that changes, when they found a girl named Bess. Yeah, to make the long story short, they become the only humans on the moon, Ryan kills Bess and eats her, and David does the same to Ryan, and then David shoots himself. That’s the summary.

Yep, that's some pretty plan shock filler. Though I have no idea how that relates to The Road in any way but the fact that it's shock filler, but I'm sure a connection was made somewhere along the line. Also I love how the summary explains less than 20% of the actual story, but besides that I think it's ready to go to another story. Next time. Eventually.

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